Name: Fat Orange Mouse.

Age: Non o' your beeswax, though I was born in Harrods and so am of impeccable breeding.

Height: Not much, though pretty fucken big for a mouse.

Weight: dunno, nice and plumptious though, feel the quality.

Eyes: Black (though sometimes red when I've had a skinful)

Skin Tone: Luxurious velvety orange, not like the pancaked scrubbers that work in the make-up bit in Debenhams, or orange like those slappers from Atomic Shitten...proper, decent mouse orange, thats me!

Likes: Beer, pies, pizzas, cake, sweets, crisps, burgers, chips, booze, wine, choklit, kebabs basic decent wholesome fare. Like ring stinging curries sometimes though makes me poop pellets a bit vicious I can tell you. OOYAH! I like boobies and doing the 'nuzzle'. Boobies that can cook with a well stocked larder are the bizness. I like to be stroked by sexy plexy laydeez on me pud belly (and especially in the 'under pud' regions. oh bayybeee...) Also like to annoy dumb ass dogs and flick bigs of hardned gum at geese. Hargh! Like telly, loafing, getting drunk and making clever schemes and plans. Like bangin' tunes and a bit of the rock. Anything that vibrates me pud does the trick. Like jazz sometimes cos it gives me a veneer of effortless cool. Like cheese. And cakes,,,said cakes..erm. Giving people the plaps! Thats go! od too. And Jam.

Dislikes: Tofu and hippy dippy lentil bollix thats like eating cardboard and wouldn't nourish a flea that lived in Geri Halliwell's wiry pubes. It's not food, it's a penance. Bleee! Don't like indie schmindie songs about poor ickle me and got no friends and have wet self and smell of wee wee and my pants are all wee wee poo poo ca ca. No sir. Why be so sucky when you could rock eh eh?!
Don't like skinny scrawno, oooh I've had some rice I'm so fat laydeez. If they can't feed themselves whats the chances of you getting some decent scran after the 'nuzzle'? No chance thats what! Bah! Dunno what to make of Head Heritage. You all seem a bit weird to me but that's yoomanz for you. Be less flakey, eat more cakey. That's my advice !

Here endeth the lesson.